Talk:Fifty Shades Freed (book)/@comment-65.94.53.221-20140709204410/@comment-65.92.153.165-20140728041632
In replying to the person who began with ..."Well I havn't read the book but went through the plots of the trilogy." The issue Christian has is not based on his past relations with another woman this case Elena. It is about his childhood trauma beaten by his mother's pimp, losing his mother at 4 years old, suffering from flashbacks and suicidal ideations/attempts (from his PTSD) as a teenager, and then the sexual abuse as a teen. So that is why he is the way he is. When I say 'no one should be changed' I mean, doctors say this all the time to patients like myself, who have suffered through childhood trauma of childhood sexual abuse, suicidal attempts, and loss of a parent. They tell us that 'nothing is wrong us, that the perverts who abused us had an issue, and they needed help' all while saying the behaviours we have are bad, and messed up'. So yeah, I have a problem with that. My issue was that if the roles were reversed, women would mad that Christian wanted to 'change' Ana, to make as you sound to say 'her true personality' come out, because he didn't like her for who she was. Women would say he was being insensitive to her abusive childhood, to what shaped her into the person she is. But when Ana is doing this, everyone women is so happy he is being changed, when his personality is a result of his past. That is who is, so I'm sorry but speaking from experiences that Christian went through, and going on my group therapies, this is our normal. That is the real Christian. That is all Christian knows. That is not to say that Ana doesn't have a personality disorder either, I mean look at her character. Has anyone not wondered why she only had one boyfriend? That could be the result of her mother being married 4 times, or that she thought if she fell in love, her spouse would die her father did in the military. She has some form of 'daddy issues' based on her relationship with both Christian and Ray. But no one is questioning whether that is her true personality. I mean, what if she really is into 'kinky f*ckery' but she hid it all that time, by being coy and innocent, or simply by being what she thought she had to. You mentioned his anger, his need for control, his overdoing it, but he is angry not at her but himself, he is controlling because he has never had control over his life why he tried to commit suicide as a teen. But if to you that what not the natural him, then that means anyone who has suffered from childhood sexual abuse does not have a real personality and they are not the natural forms of themselves. In my sexual abuse groups, many women, yes women, are a part of SM groups and lifestyles, because it allows them an outlet to control something in their lives. For me, I've been suffering from eating disorders since I was 8, because as a child, I realized I could control a part of my life that way. When that stopped working, I attempted suicide many times. So I'm not sure if you knew all of that about Grey's past, and the reason he is the way he is. But my issue was more related to the fact that women would hate him even more if he was trying so desperately to change her or told her how screwed up she was, after learning about all the shit she went through as a kid. That is why I do not like Ana. But you are entitled to your opinion, and your's is that Christian was not himself, and that is perfectly fine. I understand where you come from and why you believe that. I can only speak to my experiences, and those of my group members, who went through a lot of what Grey did as a child. Take care! Oh and P.S. to the person who began with "You are amazing" : I don't know if you were speaking to me, as I am the person who wrote the initial comment that everyone is replying to here, but if you were, thank you and you are amazing too! And I feel saddened by the way society treats men also. Gender equality will always be very far away with the way our society thinks. Utopia is beautiful dream, but it is just that. A dream. With the way our world is, I prefer to live in a dream, than here anyway. And now once again, Take good care everyone!